Daniel
Facing the door, Daniel sucked in a breath and placed his hands on the cold metal. Cuts run up and down his arms, blows he took from the trees after running in the forest. They’re numb now, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t painful. Everything that has happened has been painful. He needs to get out, go home. How is he getting out of this place? He looked up at the large metal door, resting his hand on the latch. Where will this door lead him to?
Suddenly, the platform Daniel’s standing on moved, jerking to the left. He gripped the door and looked down towards the base of the platform, keeping himself balanced so he won’t fall over the side and into more danger. There they are. The men. What do they want from Daniel? He never did anything wrong!
“Don’t let him get through that door!” one of the men whispered angrily to another. Daniel felt the jerking of the platform as they grabbed a hold on the base and started to climb up. Well, if they don’t want him to go through this door, than that probably means this door is a way out. That makes sense. Daniel unlatched the door and it immediately flew open, thrusting him back. He held onto the latch just in time, standing precariously on the edge of the platform. He looked down at the floor and his eyes widened. They’re extremely close to him now. Without any further thought, Daniel threw himself forward into the doorway and pulled the door closed behind him, entering the blinding light room just beyond.
Gripping the sheets and covered in sweat, Daniel sat up in his bed and looked around in the darkness of his room, gasping. He realized that it was all just a dream and fell back onto his pillows, closing his eyes to keep his sanity intact. What was that? It didn’t make any sense at all! It was just a dream]. He turned his head to the side and looked at his alarm clock, cursing the human body’s psychological being for waking him up at three in the morning. He doesn’t have to awake for another four hours. What now?
He started thinking about his dream. Surely, it had to mean something. Was he going to be chased soon? Was he going to be running through a forest and have cuts all over his arms? Remembering his cuts, Daniel threw off his covers and reached for his table lamp, twisting the little knob in the darkness before the room was illuminated with the light. He extended his arms to the light and examined them.
Deep, long, large red gashes traced all over Daniel’s arms like tattoos. He started to shake and tremble, turning his arms over slowly to see an exact image on that side of his flesh as the front. Looking back to his bed he saw the sheets dotted everywhere with blood from his arms. In his dream, Daniel also had a large scrape on his left calf, from when he jumped into the warehouse and his leg grated against the broken window. He threw off the covers and looked at his leg, which was resting in a blood soaked section of the bottom sheets.
“What the hell?” Daniel whispered, reaching out to see if he truly did have a cut. He winced as his finger touched his leg, feeling the white fiery pain shoot through his calf before he threw his head back and bit his lip to keep from crying out. No, it can’t be true, it was just a dream. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, counting to ten before he opened them again and saw that his arms still had the gashes in them and his leg is still looking pretty gruesome. How can it be possible that his dream came true? Maybe it’s magic. Or a sign from God. Or a really bad prank.
He turned the lamp so that it faced his entire room. No, there’s nobody in here except him. It doesn’t make any sense. How can he have the same exact cuts from his dream?
Shaking his head and turning off the lamp, he got up from the bed and stood, stumbling to the side as soon as he put weight on his left leg. That wasn’t a very bright idea, now was it? He limped to the door, placing his hands on the walls so he wouldn’t fall that bad. He’s just seeing things. He’s not really bleeding, that’s impossible. He stumbled because he had a leg cramp. Yes, it was just a leg cramp.
He didn’t bother to flip the switches once he had descended the stairs and entered the living room. The Christmas tree lit up a corner of the large room, orange and green and red lights blinking furiously on the fake plant branches. No presents. He turned the corner into the kitchen, heading for the fridge. A little midnight snack should get him back to normal again. He opened the door and squinted, the light from the fridge coming out blindingly. Daniel repressed a shudder, it reminded him of the metal door he walked through at the end of his dream.
Shutting the fridge door with disgust, he turned on his heel and walked back into the living room, curling up in the corner of the overstuffed brown couch. He faced up at the ceiling, following the shadows the Christmas lights played on the walls. Just go back to sleep, Daniel. Tomorrow’s a big day. Tomorrow’s Melanie’s audition for the school play and he promised he would be there with her so she wouldn’t feel alone. That’s what best friends do.
Daniel suddenly started wondering if she would notice his scars. He looked down at his arms, rubbing them gently to get rid of the buzzing feeling around his wounds. Damn trees, why did they have to be so prickly? Melanie notices everything. She’ll see his scars and think he’s emo. He already has the long straightened hair and the weird fascination with the color black. It was only a matter of time. He laughed at his thoughts and rolled onto his side on the couch, blinking once before he realized he had to tell Melanie. He tells her everything. She should know that he had a freaky dream where his injuries became real. Well, he’ll tell her if she asks. There, problem solved.
He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, a distant memory of the great big steel door looming up behind his lids. In his dream, he reached out to the door, this time the men weren’t down below the platform. They were gone. Daniel opened the door, no blinding light shining like the time before. He stepped through the door and came into a fire escape. He looked at the stairs, at least two floors worth of stairs until the big metal door all the way at the bottom. He took a few steps forward, grabbing the cold rail and making his way down the stairs. Once he reached the second floor he stopped, taking a look back at the open metal door on the third floor. Quickly, he hurried back up the steps and closed the door, locking the latch into place before he started back down to his new destination, the first floor door.
A/N: I'm trying out writing a short story so I can get rid of my writer's block. Thank you for reading and an even bigger thank you if you review. To tell the truth, this might be a bit longer than a regular short story, so brace yourselves.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Thank you, Stella! I'll work on the tense because I also noticed that, I was just way to lazy to do anything about it. Thank you for your comments! I write better when I know what's making the reader confused or wishing for in my stories. Thank you!
-dianne
Hey Diane! Stella here!
I. NITPICKS
You just switched tense
Tense!
...why the bracket?
Why would one do this if they weren't emo, at least in fashion sense?
Alright...
II. TENSE!
Just a note, tense! It's all over the place! Choose one or the other and stick with it! Your piece is a mess, going constantly between present and past. Decide which one you want and finecomb this and switch all the tenses. It just looks scruffy.
III. OVERALL
I'm not sure where this is going, but it's going there slowly. He has a dream, and wakes up to find the scratches all over his arms, but you take a long time to say that. The pacing could be a bit quicker. And again, watch the tense.
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you have any questions!
-Stella x